My first Ayahuasca Ceremony

First of all I want to say that I’m not asking you to choose whether to believe or disbelieve the realness of my experience. After all what we call ‘real’ is nothing more than our brains decoding holographic information through electrical impulses. Reality might be way less objective than we think it is. Anyway, this is simply my experience and perspective.

Why am I sharing my ayahuasca trip report?

At this time on earth we're going through a major shift on multiple levels. Collectively and individually we are experiencing a gradual physical, psychological and spiritual transformation. Many people are waking up to their true nature and are deconditioning themselves from many years of cultural programming and intoxication that started many generations ago. During my trip i've had huge downloads of information from both my individual unconscious and from the collective unconscious from the astral plane and beyond. If you're interested in working with the medicine as well or if you're just curious about my experience than this article is for you.

So last weekend i've joined a 2-day ayahuasca ceremony in the Netherlands with a shaman from the Huni Kuin tribe. This tribe lives deep in the Amazon in Brazil near the Peruvian border. They are protectors of the Amazon forest and avoid contact with other cultures. The shaman is travelling around the world together with a healer/musician from Norway to share the medicine and teachings with the world. I'm very grateful for having been able to work with these people.

I don't want to go too deep into the practical matters of the ceremony but rather talk about my insights and experiences during the journey. So after some rituals, meditation and chanting we drank the medicine one by one. I also took Rapé and Sananga before the Ayahuasca which I will get into later. Most people thought the taste of the Ayahuasca was beyond disgusting but I didn't find it that bad to be honest. The thing that comes closest to it is extra bitter cough cyrup. So after drinking it we started singing the opening songs for maybe 20 minutes together in a circle holding hands. Soon after the singing was finished I started having some mild, very earthly and forest-like visuals. Initially I expected the ayahuasca to hit me hard and launch me into some other reality but it came on very slowly and gently. Roughly one hour after intoxication I still wasn't tripping off my balls while people laying next to me were making weird uncontrolled body movements and very unusual sounds. I thought my dose wans't high enough or that the ayahuasca wans't potent enough. I said to myself that if I wouldn't be deep into it in half an hour I would ask for another serving of ayahuasca and as soon I said that to myself I rolled deeper into it. The ayahuasca put me in a kind of dream-like state. I noticed that my consciousness was slowly taken away from my physical body and was brought to the astral plane. I can't describe in words exactly what this astral reality is but I'll have to give it a try. Basically it's a dimension beyond matter which is made out of light in which consciousness can express itself without the limitations of this physical plane. Dreams occur in this place as well. It felt as if individual and collective thoughts, memories and emotions were stored here. By becoming aware of the astral realm one can get a lot of insight about why and how things are manifesting in ones life.

The plant started with showing me visions of a lifetime lived up to cultural expectations. It showed me every stage of life that we are expected to go through starting with going to kindergarten where you get your first dose of cultural programming. Then going through primary school where they teach you how to think and how to behave to become a fully realised civilised being. Then after that you go to high school, you should become interested in the opposite sex and learn about the world from a very superficial narrow perspective. The public schooling system will fill your head with tons of useless information to make you smart enough to be fuel for the system, just a link in the chain that pushes the vehicle forward, but it will deprive you from your innate intelligence and wisdom so you won’t be able to see the futility of trying to adapt to the system. After that you’re expected to look for an individual outside yourself, ideally from the opposite sex, that will compromise for your own emptiness inside so you can both spend your life together in a construct called a house. Your daily life is basically divided into three parts of eight hours which consist of 8 hours sleep, 8 hours fuelling the system aka work (which you should be tremendously grateful for :’) ) and 8 hours spending time in your house. Ideally you spend most of your time inside your house watching an electronic reproduction of life on a screen. The TV is the ideal drug for this dominator society. First of all it takes away your awareness from the emptiness that you feel inside and you’re absorbed by the pleasant reality that is shown to you on the screen. You sink into a very receptive hypnotic state in which your subconscious is very prone to programming. At the same time you’re also getting your daily dose of cultural programming. Perfect, you’ve successfully become a civilised member of society. BULLSHIT. The ayahuasca was making so much fun of culture and asked me several times if I saw the futility of it. It was acting as a deconditioning agent to me.

After making fun of this neurotic lifestyle it took me deep into my unconscious. It started showing me all my unprocessed emotions mainly from my childhood of which I wasn’t aware at all. I had forgotten most of the scenes that were shown to me a long time ago, yet all these emotions were never processed but simply forgotten and thrown into my unconscious. It showed me clearly all these scenes in which I was experiencing these negative emotions of grief, sadness, anger and so much more. After every scene it asked me: “Yo, do you see the futility of holding on to this emotion, do you see how retarded it is???”. And until I genuinely understood it I couldn’t release it. After releasing the emotion it went on to the next scene and then again on to the next until I had dealt with over a dozen of suppressed emotions.

The visions kept on entering my mind and I was shown some situations in which the mind shuts down. There are some situations in life in which the mind simply has to surrender and when it’s completely empty. This happens for instance during childbirth, near-death experiences, sex and passionate dancing. Watch it for yourself the next time you’re coming close to an orgasm, especially at the point of no return. Time stands still, thoughts are not there. You’re simply ecstatic in the here and now and all boundaries disappear. The message from the plant was to understand this boundary dissolution. It might be difficult to understand what I mean but what I mean is that we normally create so many boundaries with the mind. We make distinctions between self and other, my property and your property, religion and state, the foreign and the familiar, the poor and the wealthy. These boundaries keep your ego alive and many people feel severely threatened by the idea of these boundaries being dissolved. But in such a state of no mind during an orgasm all boundaries have to disappear, both you and your partner become one, you merge.

On top of this all concepts disappear which means that you are directly in contact with the reality of the five senses. At a young age our mystical reality is replaced and demystified by symbols/language. A young child may see a beautiful bird flying around. The beautiful colour and texture of the wings stun the young child until the mother says: “it’s a bird”. Now this mystical thing is conceptualised and every time the kid will see a bird it will verbalise it and think “bird”. The problem with mankind is that we confuse the real world of the senses with the symbolic world. Time doesn’t have an independent reality, it is simply a way to measure motion. In that same way things like a gram, second and meter are simply abstractions. You can’t eat a meter or breathe a gram. The most powerful misconception is money. We think money is wealth but money is the same thing to wealth as a kilogram is to a brick. A popular analogy is a finger pointing to the moon. In this case the finger is simply an instrument to refer to the moon. However, we get overly fascinated with the finger and forget about the moon thinking the finger has the intrinsic end. This is also the case with religion: religion consists of words but words are simply an instrument to refer to the truth (which is unspeakable because words are simply symbolic mouthnoises) and not the truth itself. However, we get stuck with the words themselves and forget about that which they refer to.

In between having these visions and moments of absolute clarity I had to purge a lot as well. Ayahuasca doesn’t only heal you on an emotional or spiritual level but thoroughly cleanses the physical body as well. I vomited several times and it was such an extreme relief to do this. After I took my second serving of Ayahuasca I also had to go to the bathroom. I won’t go to deep into detail but it was a huge detox. Since I was on day 14 of a juice fast during this day I was supposed to have no bowel movements because I didn’t consume any fiber for these 14 days. However a lot of faecal matter came out of me which means it was stuck there for probably a very long time impacting my health in a severely negative way. I honestly felt reborn after purging a lot.

Now let me tell you something about the sacred medicine Rapé. Rapé is a mix of sacred ash and tobacco and has been used by healers of the amazon for thousands of years. The shaman puts the Rapé in a tube and blows it into your nose. It’s a very uncomfortable feeling and you immediately start to feel light-headed and will likely vomit shortly after. The Rapé completely cleanses the area behind the nostrils and gives you crystal clear focus and makes you feel extremely grounded. The mind becomes empty and all your attention is centered. It is also said to decalcify the pineal gland. I did the Rapé just before taking the Ayahuasca and it really helped me to stay focused.

This basically describes my first ceremony. Most of the time I was in a dream-like state and felt very disconnected from my body and unwilling to move or sing. However, during the second ceremony it was so extremely different and way more intense. Soon I will upload a trip report of my second ceremony during which I also took Sananga. The medicine did way more thorough healing and cleansing during the second ceremony and was way tougher to endure. If you want to know when it’s online just follow me on instagram (@Abcdenizz) where I will announce it. I’m really looking forward to share it. Until then be safe and be well. Much love and light.